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A Tranquil Mountain to be on
Monday, April 11, 2011
Well, hello again folks. Here I am after 0 hrs of sleep in over 50 hours. My body aches all over and I'm a little dehydrated. I have been manic for the last two days or so...
I feel totally crappy. Panic and pain are wearing me down.I'm having headaches and weird unfounded fears. I have this intense fear that when I give a urinalysis at my methadone clinic, I will test dirty for some reason or another. Like what if some of my meds combine and react with eachother to cause me to fail the piss test...or what if someone wants to sabatage me and cause me to lose all of my take-home doses, so they put meth in my coffee, or heroin in my tea. Weird unfounded thoughts, which really, in life as long as I'm not doing drugs (and I'm not), there is nothing I could even do to prevent these things from transpiring. I KNOW my thoughts are weird...at least I know that I'm being weird. But I cannot help these thoughts much of the time.
Part of what allows me to get irrational thoughts is my intense loneliness.
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