Insomnia SUCKS!!!

lonely



(Lonely at night.)

  

　

Bad insomnia this long, cold, lonely night. My body aches, and I miss the warmth of another person's body heat next to mine. Memories are just vicious in the way they tear at my skull. I miss loving and being loved. When will this end?

Quiet times aren't quiet anymore. They roar with deafening silence. And - as ever before - within this featureless, noiseless force that plagues me with unrest, and is taunting me ceaselessly every minute of every day. Something needs to happen, and soon. For I am weary, and have not a shoulder on which to lean my head. No one to scratch my back, and for me to scratch hers. No one around who needs my assistance. Or my love.                                                                                                     

Pain

Alone at night. This has to end. And if it doesn't end soon, then I don't know what I may do...

Wow...seems like years ago that I was happy and excited about the future that God had me headed towards. Well, I really hope that there is someone for me out there. Someone who I can love, who would love me in return. Someone to hold on these cold nights. Feeling her breathe. Such a comforting feeling. A feeling that right now seems so very far away. Or even non-existent. I miss making Brit laugh. This loneliness seems to hurt the worst at night...

 

When we look in a reflection, often times the view is distorted or completely up-side-down.



Casey Thomas McClain



•     

Laugh because it's the

best at it you know even

though, I'll never tell

and what is bought will never sell.

No amount of lucidity

is a  substitute for action.

Paradoxical reactions...

Structured time.

Who said time is on your side?

You and me and no one more.

I don't mean to sell a pathological

vision of humanity, but it's hard to avoid.

I too, am only human, and therefore

bound by the limits of human understanding.

Don't mention attention.

Why?

No-one, changing heads...

immobility...becoming the only one.

Decline increase...

Cutting holes in the fences of verbalized

symbols that means to hem us in.

A quiescent effect of induced fearlessness.

Never stop sculpting your own statue.

Listening to the intoxicating

orchestra of silent noises.

Remain in place

and continually breaking down.

On this departure from logic,

my luggage has been left behind.

What's this feeling?

Stations thunder,

eyes a-wonder

feeling the razor's edge of life.

Hello today.

Mental sutures...hey, I'm on the road

Yeah...

Defy logic and reason?

For  every thing there is a season

The cops will hang me for so called treason

I look outside

but all are gone.

Deranged ...

Sticking around...

Why won't they tell what's going on?

Vice-like grip

Seizing my head.

Train of thought wants to trip,

Today I'm glad I'm not dead.

Stupid sing song poetry.

You'd be crazy to listen to me.

Or crazy NOT to,

You might find

to you're dismay

I've not lost my mind.

Highs and lows come and go

Forknowledge would be a luxury

when the tide ebbs

where the river goes

thoughts seem to fly away from me

as if in the throwes

of an emotional seizure.





Loneliness today. Too much depression. Lacking inspiration.

Shite...

**  Each man can choose how he marches in the parade of life.

Slowly descending into the depths of my own paranoia. Slipping slowly into isolation and violent misanthropy. Time is now, now is all we have. All this jabberwocky and shameless talk...

the city is quiet; for death is always quiet.

Horns blowing, head pounding, reverberating sound. Just beyond the grasp of my own comprehension.



~Sleep~

A fathom deep in sleep I lie

With old desires, restrained before;

To clamor life-ward with a cry

As dark flies out the greying door.

And so in quest of creeds to share

I seek assertive day again;

But old monotony is there-

Long, long avenues of rain.

Oh might I rise again! Might I

Throw off the robes of that old wine-

See the new morning mass the sky

With fairy towers, line on line-

Find each mirage in the high air

A symbol, not a dream again!

But old monotony is there-

Long, long avenues of rain.



  

Let us hope that the whores of evil no longer loiter on the doorsteps of your path, beckoning you into the brothel of despair. And that here and after, you may present them with the most rigid manifestation of a firm and manly will.

~Your Useless Smile~

All of a sudden, an absent stare

You look at me, still

Immeasurably distant,

You begin a smile.

I go on talking. You

Go on listening- your own

Thoughts you listen to,

The smile as good as gone.

Your useless smile.

Things are more, I say,

Than Time in which they seem to change

And Space that seems more than they...



Shaky

   Today for some reason, I'm all jittery and shaky. It's not meds or caffeine. Wish I knew what is causing this.

Weird

Relax man! Random interval.

Timer.

Shells. Fixes. Boxes. Coffee.

Zippers. Not looking. Empty. Torture.

Enough! Sneezing villains. Vigilantes.

Concepts. Contempt. Astronomically, anatomically absent.

Dark deli. Twilight ended.

Enormous death.

Living dead.

Collapsed. Sobbing.

Killing denial. Glazed eyes, crushing rib cages.

Mentally, no parking.

Some new kind of cancer. night auditor.

The hero nobody wants.

Tragedy. Assassins. Chefs.Freezing cold.

Vandals.

America's feet. Spilling off the edges.

Dead men don't bleed

Nobody says anything.

Nobody really dies of starvation, they die of pneumonia brought on by malnutrition.

Most of us will die, unless we eat.

Constantine al finocchio.

Carpal tunnel.

\Calamares rellenos.

Ossobuco alla milanese.

Slow death.

Negative endorsement.

Muscular dystrophy.

Hundreds dead.

For the rest of my life, I was always dead.

The public mind.

Delicious teeth. Deserved.

Bitterness. Inhibited. Pink lizard-skin.

Grow bored. Move forward. Young energy.

Silicone. Plastic creations.

Interesting juxtaposition.

High heels and jewelry.

No purpose. Direct denial.

Auditoriums. the smell of dreams.

Blizzard sneezes. Man-animal.

Skulls. Dead is dead.

Keep an eye out.

Net weight. CMV, cytomegalovirus.

Dark corners Bartonella bacterium.

Dissertations. Points. Loup-garou.

Titanium or uranium.

Hypertrichosis.

Alone...

   And I look again towards the sky

 as the raindrops mix with the tears that I cry.

Perceive yourself, perceive the truth, and transcend

ignorance into stark reality.

Your Illusion

   Use your illusion, speak in tongue in cheek.
 Kinda starving kinda bloated. Doll steak.
I have a small man's complexion.
I'm speechless. I'm toothless.
you pull wisdom from my teeth.
No way to die.

Can't help but hear this horrible talk radio

       Their talking about the U.N.'s rape (literal physical rape) of starving children in trade for food.

Feeling pretty good today

   Less depression than usual. Awoke in a relatively good mood. Hoping things stay this way. Of course things rarely do. Our neighbor is getting her septic pumped. Smells bad.

I took this photo today



Profound Depression

   What is it about today that is causing me to have such a badly depressed state? I feel this intense feeling of sadness because I am not doing as much with my life as I'd like to be.

Self injury. I slipped and was weak.