Organic

Organic, a photo by billlee2330 (having comp. probs, will be back soon on Flickr.

Organic

Organic, a photo by billlee2330 (having comp. probs, will be back soon on Flickr.

Untitled

Untitled, a photo by billlee2330 (having comp. probs, will be back soon on Flickr.

Not feeling so good...

Not feeling so good..., a photo by billlee2330 (Casey M.) on Flickr.

David Collage

David Collage, a photo by billlee2330 (Casey M.) on Flickr.

David

Babysitting

Babysitting a video by billlee2330 (Casey M.) on Flickr.

Alone not lonely



<a href="http://s1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa336/billlee2323/Artistic%20Touch/?action=view&amp;current=5605908840_7ff35cf9f0_o.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa336/billlee2323/Artistic%20Touch/5605908840_7ff35cf9f0_o.jpg" border="0" alt="what happens when your camera sucks..."></a>

Time Flies

Time Flies, a photo by billlee2330 (Casey M.) on Flickr.

I was only 27 in this photo.

Praying Mantis- edit

Praying Mantis- edit, a photo by billlee2330 (Casey M.) on Flickr.

What is it with my brain that makes me so melancholy!?

In these days, I believe Jesus himself would say to those who sit down in a state of melancholy, "It is not here, get up and go forth. Why do you seek the living among the dead."

I have lived with psychoactive drugs in my brain for as long as I can remember.



Love your neighbor as yourself.





Their weapon is guilt. I am now 32 years old. I can't go on like this much longer. I have to go out to the yard to murder a skunk- and if I fail, he will murder me. Some things never change.

"In the coffin of ice, I sleep naked

In the tunnel of fire, I drink."

- F. X. Leach

hypergraphic ramblings: Comp problems

hypergraphic ramblings: Comp problems

Fungus on the stump

Fungus on the stump, a photo by billlee2330 (Casey M.) on Flickr.

If I were very small I could live on this stump.

Well, hello again folks. Here I am after 0 hrs of sleep in over 50 hours. My body aches all over and I'm a little dehydrated. I have been manic for the last two days or so...



I feel totally crappy. Panic and pain are wearing me down.I'm having headaches and weird unfounded fears. I have this intense fear that when I give a urinalysis at my methadone clinic, I will test dirty for some reason or another. Like what if some of my meds combine and react with eachother to cause me to fail the piss test...or what if someone wants to sabatage me and cause me to lose all of my take-home doses, so they put meth in my coffee, or heroin in my tea. Weird unfounded thoughts, which really, in life as long as I'm not doing drugs (and I'm not), there is nothing I could even do to prevent these things from transpiring. I KNOW my thoughts are weird...at least I know that I'm being weird. But I cannot help these thoughts much of the time.

Part of what allows me to get irrational thoughts is my intense loneliness.

Hello out there!!!!



How's things going? Things are starting to get foggy again in my dome. I hope to cut the levels of distortion. Modulate the volume. Not lash out at others or give people lethal thrashings of the most barbaric form.

It's time to run out of myself.

Hello there people!!!!

Well, I hope all my loved ones are doing well and are healthy. I do love you all!!!

I wish I were a rock

If I were a rock

I would be a strong rock

I would be an unbreakable rock

I would be a rock of God.

If anyone needs a good freelance photographer, let me know.

Another sleepless night. My whole body hurts.

Some older photos that I've been editing...

I get so very lonely at times. Most of the time. 

And now ppl are condemning me.



Insomnia SUCKS!!!

lonely



(Lonely at night.)

  

　

Bad insomnia this long, cold, lonely night. My body aches, and I miss the warmth of another person's body heat next to mine. Memories are just vicious in the way they tear at my skull. I miss loving and being loved. When will this end?

Quiet times aren't quiet anymore. They roar with deafening silence. And - as ever before - within this featureless, noiseless force that plagues me with unrest, and is taunting me ceaselessly every minute of every day. Something needs to happen, and soon. For I am weary, and have not a shoulder on which to lean my head. No one to scratch my back, and for me to scratch hers. No one around who needs my assistance. Or my love.                                                                                                     

Pain

Alone at night. This has to end. And if it doesn't end soon, then I don't know what I may do...

Wow...seems like years ago that I was happy and excited about the future that God had me headed towards. Well, I really hope that there is someone for me out there. Someone who I can love, who would love me in return. Someone to hold on these cold nights. Feeling her breathe. Such a comforting feeling. A feeling that right now seems so very far away. Or even non-existent. I miss making Brit laugh. This loneliness seems to hurt the worst at night...

 

When we look in a reflection, often times the view is distorted or completely up-side-down.



Casey Thomas McClain



•     

Laugh because it's the

best at it you know even

though, I'll never tell

and what is bought will never sell.

No amount of lucidity

is a  substitute for action.

Paradoxical reactions...

Structured time.

Who said time is on your side?

You and me and no one more.

I don't mean to sell a pathological

vision of humanity, but it's hard to avoid.

I too, am only human, and therefore

bound by the limits of human understanding.

Don't mention attention.

Why?

No-one, changing heads...

immobility...becoming the only one.

Decline increase...

Cutting holes in the fences of verbalized

symbols that means to hem us in.

A quiescent effect of induced fearlessness.

Never stop sculpting your own statue.

Listening to the intoxicating

orchestra of silent noises.

Remain in place

and continually breaking down.

On this departure from logic,

my luggage has been left behind.

What's this feeling?

Stations thunder,

eyes a-wonder

feeling the razor's edge of life.

Hello today.

Mental sutures...hey, I'm on the road

Yeah...

Defy logic and reason?

For  every thing there is a season

The cops will hang me for so called treason

I look outside

but all are gone.

Deranged ...

Sticking around...

Why won't they tell what's going on?

Vice-like grip

Seizing my head.

Train of thought wants to trip,

Today I'm glad I'm not dead.

Stupid sing song poetry.

You'd be crazy to listen to me.

Or crazy NOT to,

You might find

to you're dismay

I've not lost my mind.

Highs and lows come and go

Forknowledge would be a luxury

when the tide ebbs

where the river goes

thoughts seem to fly away from me

as if in the throwes

of an emotional seizure.





Loneliness today. Too much depression. Lacking inspiration.

Shite...